end of the pity party
ok, so it was a bad day and my emotions were all over the place. oh boo hoo- poor me....enough is enough.
sometimes it feels like everything just really stinks and that life is horrible, and what am i doing on the earth. and then i rejoin reality and remember that im not a horrible person...i mean, i certainly need to stop putting myself in the same category as people like ted bundy, charles manson, osama- well you get the idea. i'm a good person with a big heart who sometimes manages to get really down on herself. call it years of conditioning, call it whatever you want- but im damn well good and ready to call it time to knock this shit off. i'm tired of being so down on myself.
i mean really- i am not an ogre (although shreck is cute...) i am not a horrible terrible person who only deserves pain and misery. i am a decent human being with a good heart and a lot of love to give. so ya know what- this is what i think- i think that the people in the world who have taken advantage of me or used me need to go fuck themselves. Yes, you heard me. this little subbie is nobodies carpet to be walked all over. this little subbie has some self-esteem (albeit hard to find sometimes) and she'll be damned if jackasses from her past are going to keep brining her down. this little subbie is gonna learn to be herself- whoever that is. and no matter what i discover about me, no matter what things i find i maybe dont like so much and need to work on changing, i will still manage to find a way to love me. i'll make the changes, but i wont stop loving me just cause i find imperfections. ya know what- no one on this great big planet is perfect, so why in the hell should i think for even a second that i can be???? how fucking full of myself would that make me???
i was told today that my name starts with an "r" not a "j" and i need to remember that. i'm human, i'm not Jesus. i cant expect myself to be all knowing and all intuitive and perfect just because i think i ought to be. God didnt make anyone like that- except His Son...so, like i said a moment ago, how fucking full of myself would that make me???
it's time to set some realistic goals for myself, to make the effort to achieve them, and to work toward my future. the past needs to be just that- the past. there are some things from it that i need to go back and readdress, but that does not mean i cant handle my future. i have been blessed with some wonderful talents, and it's time i put them to work for me. it's time i be the person everyone else has told me i can be- it's time for me to learn how to believe that i can be actually be that person.
any suggestions?
sometimes it feels like everything just really stinks and that life is horrible, and what am i doing on the earth. and then i rejoin reality and remember that im not a horrible person...i mean, i certainly need to stop putting myself in the same category as people like ted bundy, charles manson, osama- well you get the idea. i'm a good person with a big heart who sometimes manages to get really down on herself. call it years of conditioning, call it whatever you want- but im damn well good and ready to call it time to knock this shit off. i'm tired of being so down on myself.
i mean really- i am not an ogre (although shreck is cute...) i am not a horrible terrible person who only deserves pain and misery. i am a decent human being with a good heart and a lot of love to give. so ya know what- this is what i think- i think that the people in the world who have taken advantage of me or used me need to go fuck themselves. Yes, you heard me. this little subbie is nobodies carpet to be walked all over. this little subbie has some self-esteem (albeit hard to find sometimes) and she'll be damned if jackasses from her past are going to keep brining her down. this little subbie is gonna learn to be herself- whoever that is. and no matter what i discover about me, no matter what things i find i maybe dont like so much and need to work on changing, i will still manage to find a way to love me. i'll make the changes, but i wont stop loving me just cause i find imperfections. ya know what- no one on this great big planet is perfect, so why in the hell should i think for even a second that i can be???? how fucking full of myself would that make me???
i was told today that my name starts with an "r" not a "j" and i need to remember that. i'm human, i'm not Jesus. i cant expect myself to be all knowing and all intuitive and perfect just because i think i ought to be. God didnt make anyone like that- except His Son...so, like i said a moment ago, how fucking full of myself would that make me???
it's time to set some realistic goals for myself, to make the effort to achieve them, and to work toward my future. the past needs to be just that- the past. there are some things from it that i need to go back and readdress, but that does not mean i cant handle my future. i have been blessed with some wonderful talents, and it's time i put them to work for me. it's time i be the person everyone else has told me i can be- it's time for me to learn how to believe that i can be actually be that person.
any suggestions?
posted by oreo at
23:55
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