Missing home

it's funny. when i'm in oxford, i miss NY. but here in PA, so close to NY, my thoughts keep bringing me back home- to NC. the comfort of the farm, the hugs from G throughout the day, the sound of "wakey wakey" if i sleep in just a little too long for my babygirl. i miss the roosters waking me up in the morning, and taking the extra bread out to the chickens. geez- and i've only been gone for 4 days. i can hardly think about the next 2. i found a place that is home. it doesnt seem like it, or with some work it will be it...it is really home. i can relax, i can be me, i dont have to entertain anyone. i know where everything is- heck, usually it's cause i put em all away ;)

i love time with my mom, and i cherish the time we have had. but her apartment just isnt home for me. oh, the couch is familiar, and her bed mostly comfy. and i almost know where to find the plates and glasses in here. but the routine is wrong. it's not a hotel, so i cant be a guest. but just awkward enough because i dont know the routine here to feel like i can just "do" BUT, it's ok. i mean, i did several chores for her today while she is at work, so i know i'm not totally useless around here.

i get homesick for the farm. i get homesick for G and E and L. i get homesick for the daily life that has felt so right since the start. funny, for as much as i love NY and am glad to be able to visit some of my friends and family, i'm already looking forward to going home.