lots and lots of thoughts

OK, so....there is so much going through my mind right now, i dont even know where to start. i guess first and foremost is that this weekend was great, and im glad to be back, but i already wish that we could be back in the hotel room with the whirlpool tub.

i cant believe how good it feels to know that i really belong to G. i mean, everytime i look at the ring on my finger, it reminds me that i am hers, that she really wants me, and that who i am is good enough for her. it actually makes me cry every time i think about it because the only other person i have ever felt who really wanted me was my mom. and that was a battle in and of itself, so im sure that the intensity of these feelings is something that some of you will know about.

we spent the night at G's mom's house- that was ok. Mostly i feel like a guest, which in alot of ways i am, but at the same time, i spend so much time with Lauren and G that i know their habits and daily routines better, and it's kind of hard to be left out when i'm sitting in the middle of the room. i know alot of that is because they dont know that i basically live here now, but even still, it is hard to sit back and watch the interaction and not really feel welcomed or wanted in the situation.

i know that G is in a state of decision-making about something important, and she had expressed some things to me that really led me to believe one thing, but now i think that she is changing her mind, and maybe the things she told me earlier aren't applicable. And that's totally ok. i just got some things in my head that allowed me to be thinking on one line, when actually i am maybe thinking wrong. i get very frustrated with myself for not hearing what is being said to me, or not registering the meanings of what isnt being said. this is a shortcoming i have been stumbling with my whole life, and oftentimes i feel like no matter how hard i try, i just never seem to get it right. oh well, no biggie- i mean, just chalk one more thing up to the fact that im stupid and dont seem to see that which is right in front of my face.

my emotions have been going all over the place the past couple of days. i really should have blogged yesterday or the night before because some of what i have been feeling i cant really recall. Everything has been so good thought- i mean all my feelings about being collared have been bery positive- no regrets, no thoughts of changing my mind- nothing like that. i hope and pray that she doesnt have any thoughts like that going through her mind.

well, that's it for now. long drive home, needing a shower and to brush my teeth. i'll catch y'all later.