It's been awhile
ok, so i have stated the obvious. yes, i know...i know...i have been slacking. but look, here is a new post, so this should give y'all something to read and comment on (hint hint- lol)
it's been a weird time for me. there have been alot of things going through my mind, and lots of things that i am needing to sort through. some stuff, like eddie and his betrayal i've touched on before, and while i am healing, the process is taking longer than i would like, and i feel oftentimes that the process just isnt happening at all. i guess it's getting better, but im still hurting, and i miss the sonuvabitch, and i wish we were there, but i'm glad we're not. all these feelings are confusing. but i suppose with each day a little more healing happens, and sooner or later i'm sure that i will actually feel like i am doing better.
im doing a lot of fighting with my demon lately. i dont know why he has gotten so damn strong, or why i am having such a hard time these past few weeks, but i feel almost like i'm drowning. of course, i can actually remind myself that i have an amazing life-preserver, and that i am NOT drowing, and that i am NOT alone. and that usually gives me the strength to at least do the minimums- the get outta bed, the take a shower, the try and fight this feeling...so, i guess i'm not as bad off as i have been, but i also know that i am not as healthy as i want to be.
G has suggested that i begin the 12 steps. in fact, she is convinced that i will benefit from them if i really work them. and i have actually made an attempt at taking the leap into step 1. i'm not sure im in a place right now where i can talk about everything- in fact, i know that is why i have not been blogging so much- there are things i am working through that i know i will want and need to write about in here, but i guess all the feelings are so raw that i am keeping myself kinda closed off until i know that i am not gonna fall apart. G has promised that she wont let me fall if i do take the leap, and so trusting completely in her i am taking that step- the first in many that will help me heal.
pray for me. pray for her- she might need the strength more than i do- ;)
it's been a weird time for me. there have been alot of things going through my mind, and lots of things that i am needing to sort through. some stuff, like eddie and his betrayal i've touched on before, and while i am healing, the process is taking longer than i would like, and i feel oftentimes that the process just isnt happening at all. i guess it's getting better, but im still hurting, and i miss the sonuvabitch, and i wish we were there, but i'm glad we're not. all these feelings are confusing. but i suppose with each day a little more healing happens, and sooner or later i'm sure that i will actually feel like i am doing better.
im doing a lot of fighting with my demon lately. i dont know why he has gotten so damn strong, or why i am having such a hard time these past few weeks, but i feel almost like i'm drowning. of course, i can actually remind myself that i have an amazing life-preserver, and that i am NOT drowing, and that i am NOT alone. and that usually gives me the strength to at least do the minimums- the get outta bed, the take a shower, the try and fight this feeling...so, i guess i'm not as bad off as i have been, but i also know that i am not as healthy as i want to be.
G has suggested that i begin the 12 steps. in fact, she is convinced that i will benefit from them if i really work them. and i have actually made an attempt at taking the leap into step 1. i'm not sure im in a place right now where i can talk about everything- in fact, i know that is why i have not been blogging so much- there are things i am working through that i know i will want and need to write about in here, but i guess all the feelings are so raw that i am keeping myself kinda closed off until i know that i am not gonna fall apart. G has promised that she wont let me fall if i do take the leap, and so trusting completely in her i am taking that step- the first in many that will help me heal.
pray for me. pray for her- she might need the strength more than i do- ;)
posted by oreo at
22:44
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