So what is a TPE?
Some people wonder what a TPE is. So, here is my take on it.
TPE= Total power exchange. Now, this does not mean that the Dom/me and the sub switch roles for the day (although wouldnt that be fun...lol). As a sub, for me at least, i maintain a very high sense of self. i have submitted to G, but i also have maintained a tremendous sense of self. In fact, She encourages and supports my independence. BUT, i still have a responsibilty to submit to G. i still have to listen to her, obey the rules she sets, etc. But throughout the day, i have freedom, independence, choices- in other words, i am my own person. During a TPE, that isnt true. i dont choose what tasks to do, i dont go to the bathroom or take a drink or eat without permission. She is not cruel, she is just allowing me the opportunity to be in charge of nothing so i can take control of one piece at a time. It is liberating because not having to think of anything other than an assigned thought allows me to really work through that thing.
The TPE we did a few months ago was all about submission. It was about me fighting my own inner demon that made submitting so hard despite my internal drive to do so. i had to fight the battle within myself, and it was fought. Yesterday's TPE was different. Rather than it being about submission, it was about accountability. i have had a laundry list of things that have been weighing heavily on my mind- some for a short time, some for more years than i care to count. Yesterday we started going through that list and i was held accountable for some, we talked about some, but ultimately, i was given the opportunity to find closure for things that i felt needed closure. If you read those earlier posts about the abuse, you know what i mean. We didnt finish the list. In fact, we may be doing another TPE soon- that is up to G. But what happened yesterday is that i found some closure for some things and made great strides in healing in others.
During the course of yesterday, she and i talked about an item on my list, i was given permission to allow myself to heal, and a mantra to repeat while she spanked me. i really dont want to share all the personals of this TPE because there were some very deep wounds that are mine to have at home, that only she will see the weakness there, but for example, i would have to focus on the future instead of the past or tell myself that i could let go of the pain...she spanked me briefly. None lasted long, just enough for me to feel cleansed. it still amazes me how she can read me so well as to know when to stop....i guess that is a sign of a good Domme. Anyway, once she spanked me, and i had my focus on that particular item, i was sent to do chores. Mindless tasks like cleaning the kitchen or bathroom or doing laundry allowed me to keep on focusing on what i was working on healing or closing. And by the time i completed the set of tasks (about an hour or so) i could put that item away. i could really feel like i had a handle on it and i could keep it in perspective and put it behind me (no pun intended). Anyway, we did this for about 6 hours i guess, so we went through a few things on my list.
Believe it or not, i am looking forward to doing this again. To working through more on that list. To keep on healing and growing and becoming healthy. So, when you hear me talk about a TPE, now you have am idea as to what that means- at least to some extent. It's a healing process that works wonders for me, and i am greateful to have G to help me through it, and to offer my guidence through some battles that she herself has already faced and won.
TPE= Total power exchange. Now, this does not mean that the Dom/me and the sub switch roles for the day (although wouldnt that be fun...lol). As a sub, for me at least, i maintain a very high sense of self. i have submitted to G, but i also have maintained a tremendous sense of self. In fact, She encourages and supports my independence. BUT, i still have a responsibilty to submit to G. i still have to listen to her, obey the rules she sets, etc. But throughout the day, i have freedom, independence, choices- in other words, i am my own person. During a TPE, that isnt true. i dont choose what tasks to do, i dont go to the bathroom or take a drink or eat without permission. She is not cruel, she is just allowing me the opportunity to be in charge of nothing so i can take control of one piece at a time. It is liberating because not having to think of anything other than an assigned thought allows me to really work through that thing.
The TPE we did a few months ago was all about submission. It was about me fighting my own inner demon that made submitting so hard despite my internal drive to do so. i had to fight the battle within myself, and it was fought. Yesterday's TPE was different. Rather than it being about submission, it was about accountability. i have had a laundry list of things that have been weighing heavily on my mind- some for a short time, some for more years than i care to count. Yesterday we started going through that list and i was held accountable for some, we talked about some, but ultimately, i was given the opportunity to find closure for things that i felt needed closure. If you read those earlier posts about the abuse, you know what i mean. We didnt finish the list. In fact, we may be doing another TPE soon- that is up to G. But what happened yesterday is that i found some closure for some things and made great strides in healing in others.
During the course of yesterday, she and i talked about an item on my list, i was given permission to allow myself to heal, and a mantra to repeat while she spanked me. i really dont want to share all the personals of this TPE because there were some very deep wounds that are mine to have at home, that only she will see the weakness there, but for example, i would have to focus on the future instead of the past or tell myself that i could let go of the pain...she spanked me briefly. None lasted long, just enough for me to feel cleansed. it still amazes me how she can read me so well as to know when to stop....i guess that is a sign of a good Domme. Anyway, once she spanked me, and i had my focus on that particular item, i was sent to do chores. Mindless tasks like cleaning the kitchen or bathroom or doing laundry allowed me to keep on focusing on what i was working on healing or closing. And by the time i completed the set of tasks (about an hour or so) i could put that item away. i could really feel like i had a handle on it and i could keep it in perspective and put it behind me (no pun intended). Anyway, we did this for about 6 hours i guess, so we went through a few things on my list.
Believe it or not, i am looking forward to doing this again. To working through more on that list. To keep on healing and growing and becoming healthy. So, when you hear me talk about a TPE, now you have am idea as to what that means- at least to some extent. It's a healing process that works wonders for me, and i am greateful to have G to help me through it, and to offer my guidence through some battles that she herself has already faced and won.
posted by oreo at
00:31
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