Happy Turkey Day

Well, my mom is down here from PA visiting for the long weekend. i love having her here- it is great to be able to spend some time with her. She knows about my life, and it is very nice to not have to hide and be anything different when we are all together. G does not spank me in front of her, but she will make references and we can talk openly, sooooo that takes a strain off.

Last night G and i did a really cool online scene. She started by ripping off my shirt and i ended up nude and kneeling while being cropped. it was a mild caning, but the scene itself was intense for me. that is very D/s, and after so many years of age-play, it still takes some getting used to. i enjoyed it, but it was kinda weird being like that in main. was very vulnerable- safe because it was with G, but still vulnerable. the vulnerability and her authority was a real turn-on for me...the cropping, not so much so. i guess there is a fine line between being a masochist and enjoying a spanking. Or maybe it is that it is a spectrum of masochism...from low to high, and prolly i would fall toward the lower end. i wonder what G would say to that.

it's funny because i have discovered that while physical stuff is a turn on, the biggest turn-on for me has more to do with power and control...someone else having it, and me submitting to it. but when the pain gets too bad, it is no longer a turn on. i guess maybe that is why discipline spankings are just that for me. im learning alot about myself and i keep feeling like the more i try and allow myself to feel and experiment and enjoy and not enjoy, the more i am discovering what makes me who i am, and the more i am realizing that there are so many parts to me that i never knew were in there, and the more i am learning how to be ok being me and be ok with what it is that makes me who i am. lots and lots of learning....and having a grand old time while i'm doin it too....