orrie's o: OK, todays real post

30 October 2005

OK, todays real post

i'm in sort of a weird place these past few days. There is this part of me that is just itching to rebel and do absolutely everything i'm told not to. Now, for some people, this is not really a problem, but for me it really is kinda difficult. Everything in my head right now is a battle of wills- everything is a fight, an attitude, a "what a beeotch" no matter what is said or done. i would think i was pmsing, but i just finished the other day, so that can't be it. there is some rebellious pain in the ass inside me who i cant seem to control. this happens to me every once in a while, i would guess every 2 or 3 months, and im not sure why. all i know is that i cant stand this part of me, and i start to hate myself and it starts coming across in my attitude and my thoughts and my whole person. i get into trouble and trouble and more trouble, and just when i think it cant get any worse, i do something else to make it worse.

what is wrong with me??? why cant i get this under control?

3 Comments:

MrHand says this is how i get...when i want affirmation of the "fences"....which is really a passive or subconscious way of reaching out as reassurance that rules, expectations, fences, limits, from the Dominant authority is still there.

Go figure. I'm not sure I believe him. I want there to be a more mature reason for "testing limits"....and wanting to rebel than that.

Grins and hugs,

poiesia

By Anonymous, at 4:01 PM
i dont know- i think that's part of it, but i also think it goes back to that dumb "disease" that G says i have. i had a good several days fighting it, and right now, i dont have anything to fight it with. it makes it easy for me to hate myself, which feeds into this rebelious crap. Poor G. Poor my butt. i'm not sure who i feel worse for...

By oreo, at 4:11 PM
i could make a comment about your spelling, but that might be dangerous considering all the trouble i'm already in...LOL

By oreo, at 9:09 PM

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WARNING EXPLICIT MATERIAL ON HERE- UNDER 18, GO AWAY! This is a blog by me, for me. i share it with you because i choose to. i hope that the lessons i learn and share will help others in their own life journey. it's a rough road, but we only have to go it alone if we choose to. i choose not to.

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orrie's o

30 October 2005

OK, todays real post

3 Comments:

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