feelin froggy
i dont know what has gotten into me, but just a week after that TPE, i have been froggy again. i'm thinkin that i'm just a glutton for punishment, but when i have been spanked, it has hurt so bad, that it actually the last thing i want. i do know that i am most likely PMSing, which accounts for some of what is going on. i also know that i need to be on a different happy-pill prescription. i will make a dr. appt this week and hope i can get in pretty soon, so that i can get my meds adjusted.
ok, so what else? well, i am really really hopin that Miss G will do an otk session with me soon. generally i am over the bed, and i miss that feeling of being otk- prolly sounds odd, but there are warm fuzzies that happen even during discipline when im otk that dont happen anywhere else. sometimes i grab at Miss G's shirt or pant-leg when she is spanking me. She doesn't like it though, so i try not to, but sometimes when i am feeling exposed and raw in my emotions, i can't help it- i do it without even thinking...i often wonder what would happen in an otk spanking where she just used her hand, like, would i respond to that they way i used to with others, or would it not make a difference. it used to be that just a hand was enough, because it was the emotional aspect that caused the most pain- i think that is still true, i mean, it doesnt take much of anything when she is spanking me...i used to fight, but i dont anymore. i'm glad for that.
my demon won a battle yesterday, which makes me feel bad. Miss G said that i have to be accountable for the end of result of the loss of that battle, and i know that is gonna stink, but i also know that the power shift needs to get back to where it was, and a spanking from Miss G tends to shift that power very very fast. the good news though is that at least i am getting better about identifying my demon and asking for help. i had some tough battles, and i think that i have to be more aware of how every month PMS might weaken my resolve some with the demon...i suppose that knowing that should help me fight it- we shall see....
ok, so what else? well, i am really really hopin that Miss G will do an otk session with me soon. generally i am over the bed, and i miss that feeling of being otk- prolly sounds odd, but there are warm fuzzies that happen even during discipline when im otk that dont happen anywhere else. sometimes i grab at Miss G's shirt or pant-leg when she is spanking me. She doesn't like it though, so i try not to, but sometimes when i am feeling exposed and raw in my emotions, i can't help it- i do it without even thinking...i often wonder what would happen in an otk spanking where she just used her hand, like, would i respond to that they way i used to with others, or would it not make a difference. it used to be that just a hand was enough, because it was the emotional aspect that caused the most pain- i think that is still true, i mean, it doesnt take much of anything when she is spanking me...i used to fight, but i dont anymore. i'm glad for that.
my demon won a battle yesterday, which makes me feel bad. Miss G said that i have to be accountable for the end of result of the loss of that battle, and i know that is gonna stink, but i also know that the power shift needs to get back to where it was, and a spanking from Miss G tends to shift that power very very fast. the good news though is that at least i am getting better about identifying my demon and asking for help. i had some tough battles, and i think that i have to be more aware of how every month PMS might weaken my resolve some with the demon...i suppose that knowing that should help me fight it- we shall see....
posted by oreo at
19:15
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