It's too damn hot!

So tired
So drained
Cant sleep
Feel sick
Eyes are droopy
Motivation is low
Sadness drapes me today

I HATE THIS HEAT

I better be going to heaven, cause there is no way i could stand hell. sometimes i think God gives us weather like this to remind us of just how miserable we would be down there.

Gotta break through this rut. i'm finding myself on this narrow path feeling like the walls that enclose me are towering so high there is no way i can do anything but keep on walking down this path.

BUT I HATE THIS PATH

i am tired of being tired. i am tired of running on a wheel in a cage. i feel like i am in a prison right now, and am not sure how to break through the bars. i know there is a way, but i cant seem to find it right now.

i was watching Charmed this morning, and it was the episode where paige goes back in time to show her parents that she didnt turn out to be a fuck-up. i always cry when i see that episode- mostly because i identify with the paige that feels like no one could be proud of her for anything. BUT that cant be all there is to me. i know there is more. i am so tired of these cycles. there has to be a way out of them. sometimes i think fear of not having them keeps me in them. i wonder if i know how to live without them. is it possible i keep myself in them out of some disturbed sense of security?????

gotta figure out how to break this cycle. gotta break these chains. want to be happy. need to be happy. need to grow beyond this.