Words of wisdon

Since i moved down south, i have found that there are some different sayings here. Things like "Food so good it will make you slap your grandma" and in response to someone's good cooking, "you stepped all in that ___(fill in the blank with whatever dish it was)."

In the beginning, i just sorta tried to figure out what it all really meant, i mean, why on earth would someone or something make you want to "slap your grandma"? Then i thought about Ruthie- my mother's mom. Now that was a woman who needed to be slapped! She was so mean to her little girl Elaine. It was pitiful. It's no wonder Elaine never really understood how to give unconditional love- i think somewhere deep down she wanted to, but i think that since she didnt deal with her demons until recently (i'm 34 now...) she really didnt have the skills to be as positive as she wanted to.

and as i keep on thinking about that, it makes me wonder what kind of a mom i will be. it makes me wonder if i have come far enough along in dealing with my demons so that i at least have a fighting chance to allow that child the freedom of the unconditional love that i want to be able to give. i know, progress not perfection. i find myself using that saying alot, mostly with my students in training classes, but sometimes with myself. but i still wonder, have i made enough progress so that the demons of my past wont be too unbearable as i try and provide a loving home and relationship with this little life that i will someday bring into the world?

i dont want to be the kind of mom that tells my kid "you could be so pretty if..." or "you cant do that because you dont have talent" or "why cant you be more like ___"

how do i not be the kind of parent i fear being?