what is wrong with me?
why do i get so depressed around holidays? another easter another year of my life gone and still nothing to show for it. why can i not take delight in the sound of children laughing the way that so many others do? why does the thought of church seem so foreign to me? how have i gotten so far away from the truth in my heart? why am i so down on myself? why am i so sad when i should be rejoicing?
sometimes i wish that i could just go away- that i could take my dog and cats and go be a hermit somewhere that i could never be found. i think that i have so little to offer, so little to give, and that all i do is create problems for everyone in my life. how can i be good when things always seem so bad? how can i be positive for others when i am so miserable on myself?
i sit here day after day trying to figure out how to get through this. i keep on trying to figure out how make me be ok. and i cant. all i can figure is that i cant do it at all. i feel so out of control- like life is spinning and no matter what i do i cant seem to get it in control. and no matter how much control i want, i dont think i can ever have any. i feel so insane all the time. i want to be happy, but find myself being self-destructive. it makes no sense. i dont know how to help myself anymore. i dont know how to get better. i dont know much of anything.
all i know is that there must be something wrong with me.
sometimes i wish that i could just go away- that i could take my dog and cats and go be a hermit somewhere that i could never be found. i think that i have so little to offer, so little to give, and that all i do is create problems for everyone in my life. how can i be good when things always seem so bad? how can i be positive for others when i am so miserable on myself?
i sit here day after day trying to figure out how to get through this. i keep on trying to figure out how make me be ok. and i cant. all i can figure is that i cant do it at all. i feel so out of control- like life is spinning and no matter what i do i cant seem to get it in control. and no matter how much control i want, i dont think i can ever have any. i feel so insane all the time. i want to be happy, but find myself being self-destructive. it makes no sense. i dont know how to help myself anymore. i dont know how to get better. i dont know much of anything.
all i know is that there must be something wrong with me.
posted by oreo at
21:24
1 Comments:
You are not alone. Your feelings although negative at the moment are still feelings. If you truly did not care and wanted to escape, wouldn't it just happen? And when and if it does, you will see me there
By
Penrick, at 1:05 PM
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