when its time to change you've got to rearrange...

It's been an interesting few days. One relationship that has been a part of my life for about 6 years has come to an end. Another relationship that i have had for 2 years is in major turmoil and change (hopefully it will all be ok- or at least some semblance of ok). i have bruises on my hands and backside, and they're killing me...but in all fairness, if i had not succumbed to bad habits in order to deal with life-stress, my hands and butt would be in a much better place.

It's been a long time since i have had someone in charge who has actually been this consistant and willing to deal with me on my good days and my bad. i have to remember that D/s spankings are not the same as a quick trip over my dad's knee- and i surely hope that i remember that SOONER rather than later....

i'm mostly feeling better today. Life has it's ups and downs- have you ever noticed that the down's seem to last longer than the ups??? Oh well, i suppose that perspective plays an important part in that. Sometimes i feel really inadequate- like i'm never gonna be able to do anything right. i try my best to be a good subbie, a decent person, a good role model for others, a good daughter, good student...but more often than not, i feel like i miss the mark- like no matter how hard i try, it isn't going to be enough. Oh sure, i know that right now depression has the reins and the negative thoughts are even more in the front of my mind than normal, but even when i don't feel like this those feelings are never far from the surface. Change is hard...it takes time. But i'm workin on it...slowly but surely, and i know that i'll get there.