What a week

OK, so for the first time in almost 2 weeks, i have been alone in my house. Just me and my thoughts. Ok, and my four cats, 55 gallon fish tank, and the thoughts of my puppy (who has spent the past several days in a luxurious pet hotel...). For the first time, i am alone with myself. Thinking about where i am in life, who i have become, where i am headed. Mostly, i've been doing ok. i slept alot last night. More than i should have. But, i suppose every once in awhile that's ok. Well, i guess where i am right this moment is sad. i miss my dad. i miss being able to be his little girl. i miss feeling safe in his arms. i miss hiding in his security balnket. i guess this is all a part of growing up. But it doesnt mean i have to like the scared feelings. Once good thing though- at least i can admit when i am scared. i am in a place in my life where being scared is ok- in fact, i am embracing feeling scared because so long as i keep on living and getting up each day and moving forward, then i am working through my fears and not allowing them to paralyze me. My fears have had me trapped for so long that it actually makes me feel better about myself to know that i can keep on living and surviving and having a life despite my fears. i wonder if that makes sense....

i know that right now i am depending an awful lot on my Domme, and mostly i think that's ok- i just dont want to be too much for her. i dont want to be a burden in her life, and i want to figure out how to depend on her without overwhelming her. i'm not sure i know exactly how to do that, BUT what i do know is that i can trust her to talk to me and let me know if i am too much for her. Just knowing that she is solid enough to tell me those kinds of things, and knowing that i am together enough to not feel like i am losing her or pushing her away gives me a sense of security in that it's ok to need her a little more right now, because in time my feelings of insecurity will be replaced by feelings of security and contentment- with whatever happens with dad, with my relationship with my Domme, and most importantly, with myself.