orrie's o

03 January 2006

all mixed up

i hate to be out of control. i hate that the one i love with all my heart is in pain, and that there is nothing i can do to fix it or lessen it or make it stop. i wish i had a magic wand- i could say "heart reparo" and it would all be better. but i cant.

so i sit. and i wait. and i watch Her.

i watch the tears fall from Her eyes, helpless to stop them.
i watch Her heart torn by the man she loves, helpless to patch it or mend it in any way.
i sit back and hold my own tears back- my tears of anger and hurt and frustration.

i am strong for Her. i keep my demon in check no matter how hard he tries to break free. i am Her strength. i must be. for Her, for L, for us.

She is so strong, and so able and so capable- i know that She will survive with or without me- i am just so thankful that She does not need to do it without...

i wish i had some magic words, some all great knowledge or ointment or a bandaid that would make this all be ok. but i dont. all i have to offer Her is me- my friendship, my submissiveness, my love. Thankfully, i know that is enough for Her.

posted by oreo at 15:52

2 Comments:

  • Touching post Randi, your own pain comes clearly through in this post.
    Letting someone you love lean is sometimes the exact gift they need.

    My thoughts are with you guys.

    Chin up,

    poiesia

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:24 PM  

  • Indeed, thinking about you, as well. As I have learned, pain focuses you, and it is good to know that when focused, your priorities are in the right place.

    Grin.

    By Blogger macaroon, at 11:33 PM  

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